By Lisa Philp, RDH, President of Transitions Group North America
When we are playing the role of a victim, we develop the delusion of being on moral high ground as a result of having unjust suffering inflicted upon us. To be a VICTIM is look out the window of who did something to us and who can be blamed. Victims don’t look inward at the personal role they played in the situations, events or relationships.
Victims feel it is a good way to attract sympathy, attention, and get them off the hook.
It becomes easy to invent a victim story. “Poor me…They did it to me again.” With a good victim story, people assign fault and blame and spend lots of time suffering.
When we are being a victim, we ask…
“Why did this happen to me? Whose fault is it?
Who can I blame?”
This can be a compelling position for some as it keeps them in denial, induces guilt, feeds their low self-esteem and transfers blame to others.
A much more effective approach is to see the circumstances and accept them as they are and ask:
Given that this is so, what am I going to do?”
“How did what I did or didn’t do play a critical role in the events turning out as they did.”
Signs of victim behavior…
- Procrastinate, not keep agreements, and invent terrific stories to explain why it wasn’t my fault.
- Victims tend to complain without a possible solution attached
- Victims blame others and point out their faults
- Victims often see things a half empty and express negative feelings or thoughts
- Victims suffer from all of life’s problems, become easily confused or frustrated, and already think they know everything.